


Family Jewels

by Chamelaucium



Series: Quite, Quite Scandalous [5]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Innuendo, M/M, get your mind out of the gutter!, oh god thorin STAHP, totally oblivious Bilbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 15:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1515572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chamelaucium/pseuds/Chamelaucium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo uses words to torment Thorin even further. It's just not Thorin's day (again).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family Jewels

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys you all wanted more so I managed it! I thought up a new one!!! I'm posting it now before it sits on my computer for months and I forget about it. So here you go! <3
> 
> Just to make things clear, the term "family jewels", as well as its perfectly innocent meaning, can also refer to the... male genitalia. Just so's you all know. Now let's pretend that this is a dwarven saying. Because we can.

After so long spent watching the halfling's ankles and trying to ignore the immoral thoughts that accompanied them for an entire day of riding, Thorin's mood was sour and his temper short. Shorter than normal, at any rate. 

When they finally settled for the night Thorin found solace in sharpening his sword with his whetstone and imagining handling another sword, a different type of sword, particularly one belonging to another... immediately he stopped that thought right there, in case his flushed cheeks gave him away. Surreptitiously he glanced around the camp, pleased no one was looking in his direction.

Gloin seemed to be talking to the halfling (who was again touching his ankles; Thorin's mouth went dry at the sight and he swallowed) about the treasure to be found in Erebor.

'Do you have many gems and precious metals in the Shire?' he asked hopefully and Bilbo stiffened, as if affronted by the thought that they didn’t.

'Yes, we _do_ ,' the halfling said matter-of-factly. 'My mother had a beautiful necklace of amethysts that my father gave her...' he started talking about his mother's jewellery and Thorin didn't mean to, but his mouth opened and he spoke before he knew what he was saying. 

'I doubt even the finest could hold a candle to the treasure we have in our halls,' he said gruffly before gritting his teeth together. He was meant to be _ignoring_ the lascivious temptress...

Bilbo bristled. 'If we were back at home, I'd show you my family jewels right now, Master Oakenshield-'

At his words Thorin froze and Fíli and Kíli broke into muffled guffaws which ceased when Thorin threw them a dirty look. But his face was bright red, he knew, the thought of Bilbo's _family jewels - no!_ This halfling was good, choosing his words just so...

'I have no wish to see them,' Thorin said coldly, hoping he wouldn't notice the fierce crimson of his cheeks and know what he was thinking and that his words were leaning towards untruthful…

'Oh, you _would_ ,' Bilbo said crossly. 'You don't know what you're missing, and you dwarves all only seem to be interested in stones of _some sort_ or another. Mine are delightful-'

Thorin couldn't take much more of this and he stood hastily, cutting Bilbo off. He was red-faced in indignation and Thorin couldn't help his mind from wandering down a different path completely... he turned on his heel and stalked off. He'd have to pay some attention to his sword now, away from the others...and not the kind that required a whetstone, either.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Maybe there'll be more, maybe there won't. I can't promise anything but I hope this was enjoyable!


End file.
